There is a particular quality to the shame that comes with addiction — especially for Muslims. Because you know. You know it is wrong, you have made tawbah, you have resolved in the clearest moments of clarity that this time is the last time, and then something happens, or nothing happens, and you are back where you started.
And the shame of being back where you started feels worse each time. Until the shame itself becomes part of the cycle — a pain you need to escape, which leads back to the very thing you are ashamed of.
The first thing that needs to be said clearly: addiction is not a moral failure. It is a disease of the brain. Repeated use of a substance or behaviour changes the brain's reward system at a neurological level — raising the baseline required for pleasure, creating compulsive drives that override conscious intention, and producing real withdrawal when the substance or behaviour is taken away. Willpower is not the primary deficit in addiction. The brain itself has changed.
This does not remove responsibility. But it changes what kind of responsibility it is — from 'you chose this every time' to 'you are dealing with something that has fundamentally altered your ability to choose.' That matters, because the treatment for those two things is completely different.
Islam has something extraordinary to say about return. The hadith about the man who killed 99 people — and still found mercy — is not in the tradition by accident. It was placed there because Allah wanted it known that the door of return is open further than most people believe. 'Do not despair of the mercy of Allah.' Do not. Present tense. Every time. As many times as it takes.
Tawbah is not a transaction you can only use a limited number of times. It is a relationship. And relationships survive falling, when you keep returning.
What helps alongside tawbah: professional support. Recovery programmes. Honest community. The Prophet ﷺ said: 'Tie your camel, then put your trust in Allah.' Seeking treatment is tying the camel. If you are in a cycle right now — please speak to someone. You are not too far. You are never too far.
What does this bring up for you today?
If you need more support
Addiction is a treatable condition, and support is available. Speak to a GP, or contact a specialist addiction service directly — most areas have free, confidential local services covering drugs, alcohol, and other addictive behaviours.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “Make use of medical treatment, for Allah has not made a disease without appointing a remedy for it.” (Abu Dawud)