One of the hardest things about parenting a struggling child is knowing when what you are doing is enough and when it is not. Most parents wait too long to seek professional help — not because they do not care, but because they hope it will resolve on its own, because they do not want to overreact, or because they are unsure how to navigate the mental health system.
Clear signs that professional support is needed
Your child is talking about death, dying, not wanting to exist, or feeling like others would be better off without them. This requires urgent action — speak to your GP today or go to A&E if you are concerned for their immediate safety.
The difficulty has been present for more than four weeks and is not improving. A period of low mood or anxiety that responds to support and improves over time is different from something that persists despite your efforts.
Their daily functioning is significantly affected — they are not attending school, not maintaining any friendships, not engaging in any activities they previously enjoyed.
They are using substances to cope.
They are self-harming.
You feel out of your depth and what you are doing is not helping.
How to get help in the UK
Your GP is the starting point for almost everything. Be specific and clear about what you have observed. Bring notes if it helps. GPs can refer to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) for under-18s, or to adult mental health services for those over 18.
CAMHS waiting lists can be long. While waiting, ask your GP about any local services that might be available sooner — many areas have early intervention services or can suggest voluntary sector support.
For eating disorders specifically, BEAT (beateatingdisorders.org.uk) can advise on how to access specialist support. For crisis situations, your GP, NHS 111, or A&E are the routes.
What to say to your child about seeking help
"I love you and I want to make sure you have all the support available to you. I think speaking to someone who specializes in this could really help."
"Lots of people see therapists. It is not about being broken — it is about having someone in your corner who is good at this."
Involve them in the process where possible. Asking "would you prefer a male or female therapist?" or "would you rather I came in with you or waited outside?" gives them agency and makes it feel less like something being done to them.
Remember
Seeking professional help for your child is not giving up. It is recognizing the limits of what love alone can do, and acting on that recognition. That is good parenting.