Anxiety in children and teenagers often looks nothing like anxiety in adults. It does not always look like worry. It can look like anger, avoidance, physical illness, clinginess, or perfectionism. Understanding what you are actually looking at is the first step to being able to help.
What anxiety in young people actually looks like
Physical complaints with no medical cause — recurring stomachaches, headaches, nausea, particularly before school, social events, or assessments. These are real symptoms, not invented ones. The body is responding to the nervous system's alarm signals.
Avoidance — of school, social situations, new experiences. Anxiety drives avoidance because avoiding the thing that causes anxiety provides immediate relief. But avoidance makes anxiety worse over time, not better. If your child is increasingly refusing to do things, this is a signal worth taking seriously.
Irritability and anger — particularly in teenagers. Anxiety in teenagers often presents as anger because it is more socially acceptable to be angry than scared. A teenager who explodes at small things may be managing significant underlying anxiety.
Reassurance-seeking — asking the same questions repeatedly, needing constant reassurance that things will be okay. This feels like a relationship need but is often anxiety using the relationship as a regulation tool.
Perfectionism and fear of failure — setting extremely high standards, becoming distressed when they are not met, avoiding trying things they might not be good at.
What to say
"You'll be fine" and "there's nothing to worry about" are well-intentioned and counterproductive. They communicate that the feeling is not valid, which makes the child feel alone with it.
Instead: acknowledge first. "I can see this feels really scary for you." Then gently curious: "Can you tell me what specifically worries you about it?" Then collaborative: "Let's think about what we can do together."
Do not remove all the things that cause anxiety. A degree of managed exposure — facing feared situations with support — is the most effective long-term approach. Your job is not to eliminate anxiety but to help your child learn to manage it.
When to seek professional support
When anxiety is preventing your child from attending school, maintaining friendships, or doing age-appropriate activities. When it has been present for more than a few weeks. When home strategies are not making a difference. When your child is expressing significant distress.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has the strongest evidence base for childhood anxiety. Your GP can refer your child, or you can self-refer in many areas. It works — and the earlier it is treated, the better the outcomes.
Remember
You are not a therapist and you do not need to be. You need to be present, patient, and willing to seek help when what you are doing is not enough.